


The Sorcerer's Secrets

by rockafansky



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur Finds Out About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), First Kiss, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Merthur - Freeform, Misunderstandings, POV Merlin (Merlin), convoluted secret keeping, well sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:27:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28613589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rockafansky/pseuds/rockafansky
Summary: Imprisoned for sorcery and awaiting trial, Merlin decides it's finally time to come clean to Arthur about his magic. But things get complicated when Arthur misunderstands just what Merlin is confessing.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 178





	The Sorcerer's Secrets

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lanie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lanie/gifts).



> Do not keep secret from your friend what your enemy already knows.  
> –Danish proverb
> 
> Thanks James for editing!! Written for the inaugural CosClub Fanfic Secret Santa. Hi Lanie! As soon as I saw on your wishlist that you liked Merlin, I knew I had to embark on my first journey into the world of Merlin fic for our exchange. I hope you enjoy it, and happy belated holidays! Your Secret Santa, Kate

Somehow, from the moment he and Arthur had ridden up to the fortified walls of the kingdom of Benthos, Merlin had a sinking feeling he’d find himself locked in its dungeons within the week.

But feelings were easy to ignore.

No one kept a fire burning in the subterranean cells of Benthos. The air was dank and thick with the smell of mold, and the damp clumps of hay lining the dirt floor were beginning to frost over at the edges. A tray of food sat uneaten on the cobblestones by the door. Even if it was edible, Merlin didn’t have much of an appetite. He was busy wearing a trough down the center of his cell with his boots as he paced back and forth without end. It was less about keeping himself warm than trying to conjure up the words for when Arthur would appear at the bottom of the stairs.

Arthur. If they made it out of this place, the prince of Camelot would never trust him again. Worse, maybe he’d leave him here for King Randal to deal with. Merlin could usually anticipate what Uther would do when he was faced with a sorcerer, but you couldn’t trust a hypocrite like Randal as far as you could throw him.

There was a flicker of torchlight from the stairs behind him, but Merlin didn’t realize he wasn’t alone until a pair of boots crunched into the icy puddle at the base of the stairs.

“Merlin, there you are.”

He felt such an odd mix of terror and relief at the sound of Arthur’s voice. Before he spoke a word to the prince, Merlin tried to gauge his tone, his hesitation. Was the greeting a bluff, trying to get him to admit what he’d done? Or did he know? Had Randal already told him? Merlin was usually able to read Arthur like a book, but his panic made it difficult to tell what his friend was thinking.

“How did you find me?” It came out more defensively than he’d meant it to. Arthur had a way of materializing every time Merlin would think about him. If he didn’t know better, he’d say it was like magic.

Arthur glanced up the stairwell. “I don’t have much time. Merlin, have you any idea how much trouble you’re in? You’ve been accused of using sorcery on Randal’s subjects!”

There was a kinglike gravity about him now that Merlin recognized from dire occasions, but Arthur’s eyes didn’t match the rest of his solemn expression. He looked about as strained as Merlin felt.

“I have to tell you something,” Merlin blurted out.

 _Stupid._ What was it he had to tell him? Accusing a king who condemned magic of using sorcery to control his subjects was not a trifling matter, especially not when lighter accusations had landed Merlin in the dungeons before. But then, Merlin was already in the dungeons. What did he have to lose?

“I’ll say you do. How did this happen?”

 _You could always tell him the other thing._ In times like these, Merlin should have found it much easier to keep his magic a secret from Arthur, but listening to him talk of sorcery, sounding so much like his father, only made it more difficult for him to keep his mouth shut. Sometimes, he thought, if Arthur only knew the truth, it would change his mind about magic in an instant.

“Please, Arthur, just listen to me,” said Merlin, mustering up the will to say what he needed to. “Ever since I met you—” He paused, turning away as he thought, wanting to be honest. “Well, that’s not completely true, I thought you were an utter prat when I met you, but—”

“On second thought, talking might not be helping your case.”

Merlin swung back around. “Wait! Please, just let me explain. I did it all for you, Arthur. I’m not just in your service because you’re my prince, or because your father ordered me to. I truly believe we were linked by destiny. Like we’re two sides of the same coin.”

Those were the words he’d rehearsed time and time again in preparation for a moment like this, but they came out clumsily. They weren’t enough. There weren’t words out there for what he felt about Arthur.

Arthur snuck another glance at the staircase, perhaps worried the confession would be overheard. “Merlin, this is stupid, you don’t have to—”

“No, no, you don’t understand—I do. I have to say it.” Merlin grabbed for the iron bars of his cell as if to steady himself. They felt icy in his hands. “I can’t hide any longer. I’m sick of it, of not being able to be who I am. Of being afraid. Of hiding from you, especially when you’ve trusted me with so much. But the reason I haven’t said anything—it’s because I do it all for you, Arthur, only for you. But with your father, I knew I couldn’t remain by your side if I told you. And I didn’t know if you would still be able to trust me. I still don’t know.”

Through the bars, Arthur’s expression was unflinching. “What do you mean?”

“You must already know I’d do anything for you. But I want to do more for you than just polish your armor and bring you lunch. I’m _capable_ of being so much more than your servant, and ever since I came to know you, I’ve wanted to show you that, but I just couldn’t!”

“Merlin, I think I’ve heard enough.”

“What?” Merlin felt suddenly weak.

“You can’t torture yourself like this any longer,” Arthur said with an air of finality that could only come from a future king. “I won’t allow it. And besides…I think I’ve always kind of known.”

“You have?” asked Merlin, and then he suddenly felt slightly cross. “No, no, you haven’t. I hid it well.”

“Not half so well as you thought you did,” said Arthur knowingly, reaching through the bars to clap a reassuring hand onto Merlin’s shoulder.

That drew a shaky laugh out of him, the shock of the confession, the relief of his being able to joke about it. It was almost too much. Merlin leaned forward and rested his head against the bars. He’d gone through so many scenarios in his head, ways this moment could go wrong, that he’d forgotten to come up with something to say if it went right.

Arthur was watching him carefully now, but if Merlin wasn’t mistaken, he seemed to be somewhat relieved. When he was ready, Merlin raised his head again and took a deep breath.

“This…isn’t how I thought you’d react. Not after I lied to you for so long, pretended to be someone I wasn’t…”

“No, Merlin.” Arthur shook his head slowly, stepping close enough that he felt the warm fog of his breath. “I know you.”

“Do you, though?”

“I want to,” he said, and placed one large gloved hand over Merlin’s, still curled around the bars of his cell. “And I promise once I get you out of here, you’ll never have to pretend again.”

He scarcely had time to register the touch before the distance had closed and Arthur’s lips met his. Merlin’s eyes grew wide, but it wasn’t long before he let them shut as the frigid cell melted away around them. The cold iron bars pressed against his face, his fingers, but they were nothing compared to the warmth radiating from his lips. It was a kiss that was sure in a way only someone like Arthur could make it. Familiar and certain, as if they’d done it time after time back in Camelot.

It was Merlin who pulled back first, once his body permitted him to move again. No longer feeling the bitter cold of his cell, he brought his hand immediately to his lips, trying to conceal his surprise. Arthur looked at him earnestly, but his eyes were difficult to read. For a moment, Merlin almost convinced himself he had imagined it all.

“What you did wasn’t lying, not in my book,” said Arthur finally. “It was…necessity, I think. It was smart for you to wait until we were away from Camelot to confess your feelings for me. You knew, as a prince, my father wouldn’t allow me to be with a serving boy.”

“Arthur—” Merlin was too stunned to speak.

He winked. “Not to worry, Merlin, I completely understand.”

“No, I _really_ don’t think you do.”

“I do!” Arthur took Merlin by the shoulders excitedly, leaning against the bars as if willing his body to pass through them. “You’re telling me the real reason why you’ve put up with me for all these years.” The corner of his mouth quirked up in a roguish grin. “And why I’ve put up with you, for that matter.”

Merlin felt his cheeks flush wildly, but no, _no_ , this wasn’t what was supposed to happen.

“That’s _not_ it!”

Arthur’s expression sobered, and he looked a little hurt as he let Merlin go. “Then tell me, Merlin, what’s the reason for all this?” he asked. “What were you trying to tell me?”

 _I have magic._ Merlin’s mouth had opened to say the words, but he couldn’t for the life of him get them past his lips. What would Gaius think of him now, confessing to sorcery when his fate rested on the shoulders of the son of Uther? He was already behind bars. All Arthur would have to do was walk away.

Merlin couldn’t bear to think of it. He had allowed his judgment to be clouded by his panic, his desire, his own stupid pride. Arthur wasn’t ready to know. The universe had given him another chance to remain in Camelot, where he was meant to be. It would be stupid for him to pass it up just to feel one secret lighter.

Merlin swallowed. “I just wanted to say it myself. I am in love with you.” He realized, as he said it, how honest it was. It wasn’t what he had set out to confess, but it helped a good deal, to have one thing off his chest.

“So you are. And here I was, stopping you before you got to the point.” Arthur near glowed with happiness as he said it, but his face fell in an instant.

“What, what is it?” Merlin was no longer sure just what he was afraid of. He’d faced the axe more than once before, and he’d even come close to telling Arthur he had magic, but whenever he’d faced danger in the past, it had never felt as if he’d had much to lose. The kiss had changed everything.

As he searched for signs of distrust in Arthur’s eyes, Merlin was certain that to tell him was to lose him.

“I have a confession of my own,” Arthur said after a moment. “When King Randal told me what you’d been accused of, I didn’t demand your release. I came down here to ask you myself. To find out if it was true.”

He had no idea how reasonable that was. Maybe he never would.

“Arthur, it’s—”

“No. It’s my fault you’re in here still, and I’m owning up to it. I’m sorry, Merlin. I should never have doubted you, even for a second. It’s a mistake I’ll never make again.” Arthur looked at him earnestly. “I must speak with King Randal. You’re an innocent man. I’m going to get you out of here.”

“Right.” Merlin’s gaze fell, and he finally abandoned the idea of baring his soul a second time. _One step at a time._ After all, the truth wasn’t going to set him free; Arthur was. His prince still believed in him. And he _was_ innocent, mostly. He’d been trying to free this kingdom with his magic, and it had almost worked. His only crime was lying about it. About everything.

Arthur leaned in and kissed him again before pulling back with a wry smile, cupping his cheek lightly in his hand. “Come on, Merlin. Trust me.”

Merlin felt his ears glowing red as coals.

_Well, almost everything._


End file.
